On Sunday of Memorial Day weekend we visited Kevin's grandparents' graves. It was Annie's request to bring a flag to the cemetery "for a soldier." When DJ saw his great-grandpa's name, he recognized it as his. I explained that it was where Grandpa Don was buried. DJ looked around, then whispered in my ear, "but there's no cave here." I realized then that his only reference for burial was the Easter story!
The kids' main experience with TV at our house involves Netflix or PBS. So after watching a couple of cartoons at Pam's house, DJ walked up to me with genuine concern. "Aunt Pam's TV makes commercials come on at ALL the good parts!" Kids these days.
Sunday, June 5, 2016
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Confidence
At almost-seven, Annie is still as sweet and spunky as ever. A couple of fine moments this week:
1) Annie handed me a large Easter egg with the message, "open me." (Yes, she found the eggs in a bag that's been waiting to go downstairs since Easter. As I write this, I realize that was two months ago.) Inside, another egg. Inside that egg, another! And inside that egg was my fortune. "You will have a good life." What a lovely prediction!
2) Last night, I introduced Annie to one of my childhood favorites--The Sandlot. If you're wondering, it's still as entertaining as it was in 1993. But it also taught Annie some--ahem--new words. Anyway, at one point a boy issues another the worst possible insult..."you play ball like a GIRL!" Annie giggled and asked, "What? In the olden days, were girls, like, really bad at baseball?" I love that question!
3) And one more. Kevin and the kids are working on a quail egg incubation project. Tonight as Annie turned the eggs, she announced, "Daddy, every time I turn these eggs they feel heavier! I think the birds are growing, like God is knitting them together in there!"
1) Annie handed me a large Easter egg with the message, "open me." (Yes, she found the eggs in a bag that's been waiting to go downstairs since Easter. As I write this, I realize that was two months ago.) Inside, another egg. Inside that egg, another! And inside that egg was my fortune. "You will have a good life." What a lovely prediction!
2) Last night, I introduced Annie to one of my childhood favorites--The Sandlot. If you're wondering, it's still as entertaining as it was in 1993. But it also taught Annie some--ahem--new words. Anyway, at one point a boy issues another the worst possible insult..."you play ball like a GIRL!" Annie giggled and asked, "What? In the olden days, were girls, like, really bad at baseball?" I love that question!
3) And one more. Kevin and the kids are working on a quail egg incubation project. Tonight as Annie turned the eggs, she announced, "Daddy, every time I turn these eggs they feel heavier! I think the birds are growing, like God is knitting them together in there!"
On motherhood
In honor of Mother's Day, a Facebook campaign started such that if you were tagged by another mom, you were supposed to post a picture that made you happy and proud to be a mom.
This proved too difficult for me.
I looked through some photos and found a handful where we managed to catch everyone together or where kids were smiling at the camera. But the best part of any picture is always the story behind it. Like this one taken at a professional photo shoot on a 90-degree day last summer. Why DJ loves to put his hands on our heads during pictures, I'll never know. But I do know that Kevin and I were laughing because we were on a floating dock, and when we all stood on one end we sunk so low we were standing in several inches of pond water.
This proved too difficult for me.
I looked through some photos and found a handful where we managed to catch everyone together or where kids were smiling at the camera. But the best part of any picture is always the story behind it. Like this one taken at a professional photo shoot on a 90-degree day last summer. Why DJ loves to put his hands on our heads during pictures, I'll never know. But I do know that Kevin and I were laughing because we were on a floating dock, and when we all stood on one end we sunk so low we were standing in several inches of pond water.
In the end, I just couldn't find the right picture. And really, could a picture capture what makes me happy or proud to be a mom? Are those even the right words? The more I thought about it--and I clearly thought too much about it--the less sure I was.
Here's what I can say: I feel a deep sense of gratitude and humility when I look at our 4.5 kids and remember the two years waiting to get pregnant the first time, wondering if we might never be able to have children of our own. Or when I think, as I do often, about our friends who have or are long-suffering through infertility. I have no idea why I was gifted this life, and all I can do is be thankful.
And what makes me proud? Every moment I catch a glimpse of one of these little ones doing something to suggest that somehow, we've improved humanity a tiny bit. When they do or say something to suggest they are more brave, more kind, more thoughtful, more generous, more faithful, and less prejudiced than I am at my deepest core.
No picture--or math test, medal, trophy, or diploma, for that matter--can show that.
Saturday, April 30, 2016
How to talk to a pregnant person
Scenario: You see an obviously pregnant woman. Great, a topic of conversation as ubiquitous as the weather! You have so many questions, and settle on, "When are you due?" Your friend responds, but now you're not sure what to say.
No fear, I'm here to help!
First, assess the situation. Are you a small child? Or, is the person your best friend since childhood, sister, daughter, aunt, or mother? You may be able to get away with any of the following responses. But she might poison your food if you go with the last set. I've warned you, and I wash my hands of your consequences. If the woman is a stranger or acquaintance, stick with the first suggestions. Please.
Second, you probably know already that women's bodies are different. Some women, it seems, barely look like they're expecting until they're on their way to the hospital to give birth. Others know they're pregnant before they even take the test because they look, well, pregnant. A woman on her fifth pregnancy, say, who is 5' 2" with diastasis recti, may appear quite round relatively early. Anyway, here you go. You're welcome.
Good: "Wow, that's great!" Or, "What a great time of year to have a baby!" Or, "You look amazing!"
Neutral: "Hey, that's my brother's birthday." Or, "Well, congratulations!" Or, "Do you always carry out front like that?"
Just Don't: "Oh really? Are you having twins?" Or, "Man, I thought you were due any day!" Or, "Geez, what is your doctor telling you? Are you really going to make it that long?" Or, "I'm actually shocked. You are huge."
And here's a bonus tip: It's definitely best to ask up front about the due date. Because when you start with, "You look like you're ready to pop any day!" and she responds with, "Um, yeah, any day five months from now," you're both going to just feel awkward.
No fear, I'm here to help!
First, assess the situation. Are you a small child? Or, is the person your best friend since childhood, sister, daughter, aunt, or mother? You may be able to get away with any of the following responses. But she might poison your food if you go with the last set. I've warned you, and I wash my hands of your consequences. If the woman is a stranger or acquaintance, stick with the first suggestions. Please.
Second, you probably know already that women's bodies are different. Some women, it seems, barely look like they're expecting until they're on their way to the hospital to give birth. Others know they're pregnant before they even take the test because they look, well, pregnant. A woman on her fifth pregnancy, say, who is 5' 2" with diastasis recti, may appear quite round relatively early. Anyway, here you go. You're welcome.
Good: "Wow, that's great!" Or, "What a great time of year to have a baby!" Or, "You look amazing!"
Neutral: "Hey, that's my brother's birthday." Or, "Well, congratulations!" Or, "Do you always carry out front like that?"
Just Don't: "Oh really? Are you having twins?" Or, "Man, I thought you were due any day!" Or, "Geez, what is your doctor telling you? Are you really going to make it that long?" Or, "I'm actually shocked. You are huge."
And here's a bonus tip: It's definitely best to ask up front about the due date. Because when you start with, "You look like you're ready to pop any day!" and she responds with, "Um, yeah, any day five months from now," you're both going to just feel awkward.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
DJ's great idea
Annie's been afraid of--well, everything--these days, but one morning in particular it was snakes and spiders. It's not totally unfounded, since once when we were camping she had a black widow in her shoe when she woke up in the morning.
Kevin suggested we get a pet spider and a pet snake so she wouldn't be afraid of them anymore. DJ both excitedly and quite seriously said, "we should get a pet spider and a pet snake and then we can train them!"
"Train them to do what?," I asked.
"Kill bad guys!"
Kind of morbid, but it might be more practical than the somersaults and flips I was imagining.
Kevin suggested we get a pet spider and a pet snake so she wouldn't be afraid of them anymore. DJ both excitedly and quite seriously said, "we should get a pet spider and a pet snake and then we can train them!"
"Train them to do what?," I asked.
"Kill bad guys!"
Kind of morbid, but it might be more practical than the somersaults and flips I was imagining.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Do you believe in...?
Lately, DJ has been very interested in what I believe in.
Mom, do you believe in Jesus?
Mom, do you believe in the tooth fairy?
Mom, do you believe in Santa Claus?
But today he asked a question that truly took me by surprise, probably prompted by his recent Super Bowl-watching experience.
Mom, do you believe in Lady Gaga?
We had an interesting talk about how we can be sure she exists, unlike, say, the tooth fairy. I still don't think he bought it.
Mom, do you believe in Jesus?
Mom, do you believe in the tooth fairy?
Mom, do you believe in Santa Claus?
But today he asked a question that truly took me by surprise, probably prompted by his recent Super Bowl-watching experience.
Mom, do you believe in Lady Gaga?
We had an interesting talk about how we can be sure she exists, unlike, say, the tooth fairy. I still don't think he bought it.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Love and marriage
Driving home tonight, I had this clear reminder/thought pop into my head: Kevin and I will be together until one of us dies. What a strange mixture of sadness and awe I feel when I really let that sink in!
And somehow that led to a memory. When I started graduate school, multiple (!) acquaintances told me that our marriage would probably not survive. Not because of the rigors of graduate school, mind you, but because it creates too much stress for a wife to be more educated than her husband. I am fairly confident that none of those people are reading this. So let me say this, friends. If for any reason you are ever tempted to even hint to someone (who is not your very close friend or immediate family member) that their marriage will suffer--not now, but someday--just don't. As for us, by the grace of God it seems time, degrees, and life's various trials and joys have made our marriage stronger.
For the record, Kevin is often smarter about math ed than I am. In fact, he planted the seed of the idea that became my dissertation over beers in a northern Michigan backwoods bar when I went along hunting with him. So there.
And somehow that led to a memory. When I started graduate school, multiple (!) acquaintances told me that our marriage would probably not survive. Not because of the rigors of graduate school, mind you, but because it creates too much stress for a wife to be more educated than her husband. I am fairly confident that none of those people are reading this. So let me say this, friends. If for any reason you are ever tempted to even hint to someone (who is not your very close friend or immediate family member) that their marriage will suffer--not now, but someday--just don't. As for us, by the grace of God it seems time, degrees, and life's various trials and joys have made our marriage stronger.
For the record, Kevin is often smarter about math ed than I am. In fact, he planted the seed of the idea that became my dissertation over beers in a northern Michigan backwoods bar when I went along hunting with him. So there.
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