40 years with Grandpa

Throughout adulthood, I've felt grateful over and over that the past few generations in my family had kids young so that I had so much good time to experience life with my grandparents. My Grandpa Tuinstra (or Papa Roger, as the kids knew him) passed away this week, and it's been lovely to reflect and remember and share stories of my 40 years with Grandpa. 

As a kid, my grandparents generously provided all kinds of experiences we likely wouldn't have had otherwise. There were trips to Cedar Point with all my aunts and uncles and cousins, when my siblings and I would stand on the corner and wait to see the motorhome coming down the road. There were visits to stay in their condo in Florida, where we would play SeaWorld in the pool and Grandpa would be Shamu. Erin and I visited twice on our own when I was 7 and 9. They had a cottage in Cadillac and we spent many many days swimming, boating with Grandpa behind the wheel, and playing horseshoes. They would take my cousin, Katie, and I up for the winter festival and we'd take carriage rides and see the ice sculptures. These memories live like magic in my mind.

Grandma and Grandpa showed up for concerts, birthdays, and graduations - and all the events in between. They would visit me at college to take me out for dinner and shopping at the mall, and get to know my boyfriend (Kevin). They were at my college graduation and wedding and cheered me on when I ran a half marathon in Traverse City. We took family bike rides on beautiful Michigan trails, and Grandpa still took everyone on family vacations--he rented vans to drive us to Cedar Point and we spent a weekend on Mackinac Island.

And then came the babies. My grandpa was the old-school variety who treated pregnant ladies with kid gloves. I remember when we were in Mackinac Island, he didn't want me to walk the half-mile to the hotel so he hired a carriage for me. (The driver turned around and asked, "Who are you, the princess or something?" I was like, "I'm 8 months pregnant...?") My mom and I took a spontaneous visit to Florida to visit my grandparents when I was pregnant with Eddie. I will never forget how every morning, he served me breakfast - an English muffin with peanut butter and grapefruit with the segments pre-cut. It was such a kind gesture when I was so used to caring for others as a mother of three. With each baby, my grandpa and grandma came to visit as soon as they could, and Grandpa was always a newborn favorite. There were lots of visits "for coffee" when Nellie and Annie were little and I was at home or early in graduate school and the rest of the world was at work. Most times, we would just sit and chat and watch Nellie play. In the summers, we'd go to Grandville for walks to the park and playing with all the best old toys they'd held onto. Later, Grandma and Grandpa came for Grandparents Day at school and attended the girls' musicals. The last I saw him healthy was at Nellie's Willy Wonka show, just before the pandemic hit.

When I imagine my grandpa, I hear the quiet way he read children's books to me and then to the kids, and I picture the super chill way he held our babies. But the most remarkable thing about him is how he loved us. Grandparents are uniquely situated to make us feel loved unconditionally, and he lived into that role perfectly. Through the upheaval and turmoil in our world and in our lives, my grandpa could make us feel that we were enough in the way he was always happy to see us, always happy to hear from us. I'm thankful for every visit and fun trip, but I'm most thankful to simply have known him and to have had so much time. Love you, Grandpa! See you on the other side.

Nellie, age 14

This was a crazy year for everyone, but we could not have predicted how things would turn out for Nellie! While we all went back to school, she stayed home and did remote learning. It was supposed to be for a couple of months, but she ended up staying home through March. No sports or extracurriculars, and when school finally did resume in person a lot of activities were off-limits because of her second surgery this spring. Nellie continued with band and choir, including virtual flute lessons all year. She graduated from middle school without fanfare and didn't have much time to catch her breath before heading to CIT camp at Woldumar, then Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp (where she spent her birthday) for 12 days. 

If there's one thing we learned - or at least confirmed - it is that Nellie is fiercely independent and responsible. It was a huge relief to me to know that she was managing her schedule, keeping up with her school work, and often helping around the house even when she was on her own many days. 

The fact that she's heading to high school boggles my mind a little. Mary starting kindergarten? No problem; kids grow up, it's what they do. But high school? That's so close to adulthood! I had a hard time leaving Nellie at camp, and she kindly reminded me that in four years, I'd be taking her to college. I kindly told her to stop talking.

This stage is new and busy and I have a lot to learn. But it's also fun and exciting in a different way, and I'm ready to see what the next year holds for this funny, smart, musical girl. We're glad to hold on to our activities coordinator as long as we can! We were so bored without her this summer! Happy birthday, Nellie, we love you (so much that we're hoping you choose community college and live at home forever. Just kidding.) 

I feel like a broken record, but...this has been another interesting year. What is your favorite memory from the last year?

That's tough...I guess all the family trips. Going to Papa John's house, especially that one day we went to Dancing Crane Coffee House and then to Lake Superior. Lots of home time and family time. It seems like we laughed a lot this year. 

What is one way God's been working in your life this year?

I've been so much more aware of all the blessings we have this year with everything that's happened. I find myself being amazed by the smallest things. Like we went for a bike ride the other day and was so thankful that the roundabout was finished. And I saw trees, and flowers, and the sun, and even, like, the turkey vultures, all in the middle of this busy intersection... and it all seemed so beautiful. Being closer to lots of awesome people like my friends. We were brought together in unexpected ways.

It was strange not to see you on your birthday. How do you feel about being fourteen?

It was so weird! I wasn't as vamped up and excited for my birthday this year. It was the first year I didn't feel so much like a little kid. But I feel so old. I'm in high school, marching band, I'm going to be learning how to drive...when I was five, those were the things I associated with being an adult or at least an intimidating high schooler!

What are you most looking forward to in the next year?

Some of those same things I said. Marching band, starting high school, drivers ed. I'm excited to be doing in-person school for the whole year!

What is one goal you have for next year?

I want to try to read all the Jane Austen books by the time I turn 16. Maybe go somewhere out of state? That's more of a wish than a goal.

Who would you say are your best friends?

Oh, that's hard. I have a friend group now and I'm close with all of them. Ava, Keira, Harmony, Kate, Jocelyn, Faith, Katelyn, Avery obviously, Lacy...there's so many of us.

What are your strengths?

I'm good at math. At least I was before the summer hahaha it's been awhile. I'm good at playing flute, swimming, reading, obsessively fan-girling over TV shows and books...

What careers are you considering?

I know I want to do something with biology or ecology...something with nature science. I still kind of want to be an author, I love writing. I tend to be better at doing things if I like doing it, and I really like nature and wildlife and all that stuff.

What’s your favorite song or type of music?   

I like Bon Jovi; I like rock. I like sad breakup music. Favorite song is hard. I guess maybe A Thousand Years, that has a lot of good memories with it.

What's your favorite food?

Carrots and dill dip. Or pesto pasta. Or tacos!

Current favorite movie?   

Probably Titanic, or Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Current book(s) you're reading?

It's called City of Heavenly Fire, book 6 in The Mortal Instruments series. Hahaha I only know that because it's sitting right next to me. It's already made me cry several times.

Favorite color?   

Blue. 

Favorite place to be?

Aunt Pam's house or home or school when my friends are there.

What are your favorite things to do? 
Read, play flute and guitar, swim. Write.

If you could describe your year in one line from a musical, what would it be?

If you're falling in a forest and no one is around, do you ever really crash, or even make a sound?       Kind of depressing but.....

What was your favorite present?

My Bon Jovi album. 

Is there anything else you want us to know about you? I mean, DJ said you could have a boyfriend now, are you going for it?

Well, let's just put it this way, if you're a 14-year-old boy out there and you're reading this...

Annie, age 12

Annie remains as sweet and helpful as ever, and we've depended on her in new ways over this last year as she got to be the "oldest" in our day-to-day school life. It was a great joy having her back at LCS this year and spending more time with her. She took on all kinds of experiences with confidence--cross country, basketball, softball, percussion, quickly transitioning to middle school, owning a puppy (not sure how it happened, but Lafayette is squarely her dog), musical theater camp...I'm sure there's more! Now, Annie is taking on 12 with the same eagerness and maturity. Fair warning, her sweetness is tempered by a bit of salt. I mean, yesterday she threw Eddie in the lake, surprising us all, when I promised ice cream if Eddie jumped in but his nerves were getting the better of him. Don't stand in the way of Annie's ice cream! (Eddie popped out the water laughing--he's fine.)

Celebratory ice cream after Eddie "jumped" in the lake

What was your favorite memory from the last year?

I'm trying to think of what I did! It was really funny when my whole softball team sang happy birthday to me and it was so loud because we were in the dugout. Then I got home at like 11 that night. And we got a dog! Going up north and being able to see Papa and get the puppy.

What is one way God's been working in your life this year?
I think everything we've been able to do with the pandemic, like being with my friends and being able to be in school. I just had a really good year. 

How do you feel about being twelve?  

I don't know. I feel like in 4 years I'll be like "I was so young." But I'm almost to my teens so sometimes I feel like 12 is both old and young at the same time. When I look back to four years ago, 8 seems so young.

What are you most looking forward to in the next year?
Probably new experiences and learning more things, meeting new people.

Who are your best friends?

Chloe, Lauren, Makenna, Ava...I'm kind of friends with everyone. The girls on my softball team.

What are your strengths?

I don't want to sound braggy...I'm good at baking, I'm kind, I'm pretty athletic, pretty smart.

What careers are you considering?

Someday I want to own my own bakery or be a teacher. I want to be an interior designer.

Why are you interested in those fields?
I feel like I'm good at baking, and I'm pretty qualified for that. I think that's just something I would enjoy doing. I have learned so many things from my teachers, and I can pull those things together, and I'm a people-person. I can see the potential of things and of people.

What’s your favorite song or type of music?   
I have a lot of them. I really like musical theater. Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen. I guess love songs, romance, Olivia Rodrigo's SOUR album. I said romance but it's like heartbreak, too.

What's your favorite food?

You can't just expect someone to have a favorite food, mom. Chocolate, but that's more of a dessert. Cheesy things...there are just so many things I love.

Current favorite movie?   
Two main things come to mind and they're in line with my favorite books. There are too many good ones, but I do love The Hunger Games series and the Twilight saga.

Current book you're reading? Or should I say books?

Right now I'm in the middle of Midnight Sun. Next, I plan to read the Divergent series.

Favorite color?   

Purple. I love lavender purple and lighter purple. I also love yellow. I like pastel colors.

Favorite place to be?

Probably Petoskey. Downtown Petoskey and Grandma's condo up there. I like being in nature, but being outdoors up there was, like, magical.

What are your favorite things to do? 

Read, bake, watch TV, spend time with friends and family, play sports, spend time with Lafayette.

Is there anything else you want us to know about you?

I'm still single. I'm just kidding, don't write that. [This made me laugh so hard, I begged her to let me write it and she gave permission.] I feel like 12 is older, I'm growing up. I'm past the child phases. I threw Eddie off the dock yesterday so we got ice cream. I feel like my style has changed a lot. Some of those outfits I wore when I was younger, I really regret. Don't worry guys, I have a better sense of fashion now.